Hi all,
Today's going to be a bit more serious of a topic. Included in the discussion will be points about the pandemic, the breaking of trust in friendships, trauma, stress. If you are not in a good head space for something that isn't light and fluffy, please proceed with caution or skip this post. No hard feelings! Please put your mental well being first.
***********************************************************************************
In 2020, our world was tossed upside down with the onset of the pandemic. We had to suddenly change our lifestyles and worry about our loved ones more than before. Of course, with the lockdowns and uncertainty, came the question of if optional social gatherings like model horse shows should continue. These events are typically planned at least a few months in advance, so because none of us knew how long this would last, there was plenty of stress within the show community over deciding if certain events would go on as hoped - while spring and summer events were easier to cancel/postpone or replace with an online version (like BreyerFest), fall and winter events, and those going into 2021 were harder to predict whether they would be able to go on or not.
One of the events affected by this uncertainty was the 2020 regional show "TRXC" in Region 10. For most other shows, they are held by a single person (or pair/group) for which the individual(s) hosting hold the financial responsibility to put on the event. However, because TRXC is a regional show, it is funded out of the regional Treasury, which puts it in the unique situation where the constituents of the region have more vested interest in whether or not the show is put on. A show that operates solidly into the red would jeopardize the ability of the region to host future shows or maintain other Regional funded programs.
This was also a highly unprecedented situation - we've never had any major factors come along that would prevent an instance of the show from hitting the target financial window of very small loss, breaking even, or profiting. The resulting fallout was not handled well by many of us, as being in survival mode we reacted quickly and severely in some cases, and did not follow a good protocol for determining whether or not the show should go on.
In the summer of 2020, a member of our regional Facebook group had the unfortunate experience of starting one of the biggest, most dramatic blowouts I've seen in my years of involvement. By simply asking the question of whether TRXC would occur or not. Now, the smart thing to do at this point would have been to create a poll (even if made to be anonymous) to see how the group as a whole felt about the show moving forward. Then, if there was enough interest, there could have been discussion about if it would be financially viable and reliable to hold (how many people who initially wanted to go would need to drop out before the show date, for whatever reason?)
But, we circle back to the twin issues of emotional stress and financial interest. No such poll was ever posted. The question of if the show should go on did not come from the host (and while I understand that things spiraled before she had a chance to say anything, from my perspective if I'd been a host in that position, I would have been reaching out to everyone and providing updates without prompt a lot sooner. That is just my take on how I would have managed it, I was not in that position, and things happened the way they did. We can't change that now).
There are a few factors that I believe really took things out of control - and while I'm pretty sure the original post isn't up anymore, this is what I remember occurring. Please take my memory with a grain of salt if I do not recall everything correctly. I've also learned, mostly within this last year or so, that many things also happened behind the scenes that I was not aware of when this was all first unfolded.
- The hostess wanted to hold the show, even if there was a much smaller crowd than normal, which some of us found concerning from a financial perspective. There was no plan shared of how the financial portion would be managed, and if things had not been handled well, the future of the show could have been at risk. After all, we didn't know how long we'd be without a TRXC, how long we'd have to rebuild the treasury if most of the funds were drained.
- Because TRXC is a regional show, the fact that it felt like the opinions of the community were not being well managed or taken into account when deciding whether or not to put the show on, regardless of the reason, was a sticking point for some.
- Of course, the emotional tension played heavily into how folks interacted with each other. There was a major rift specifically between those who prioritized safety of their community over all else and could not fathom putting anyone at risk by holding the event, and those who did not have as many concerns about health & safety (i.e. they did not think it was as serious of a problem, so go ahead with the event). Both sides accused each other of unfair judgement, belittling, lecturing, and sharing false information. It became clear that this arguing was only causing damage to the community and ripping apart friendships that had been many years long.
As I think back on my initial responses, I don't recall getting too deep into the actual arguments (maybe I made a few comments?) I really only remember that my main concerns were the lack of transparency in the plan to hold the show (or even just a "hey I'm working on this, I'll share when it's ready"), which created my concern about the state of the treasury should things move forward, and I was also scared, terrified of losing anyone I cared about. I maintain that I only said anything because I care! If I did not give a hoot about any of those people, I'd have stayed silent and have the opinion of "ah well, if they think it's such a good idea, let them do it and if they suffer the consequences of their own actions so be it".
Unfortunately, though many of those arguments on the post were made under duress, they still left a lasting impression on others, whether it was folks involved in the conversation or those who read it and did not jump in. Opinions of people changed, respect was lost in some cases. There are some fundamental differences in basic values that I don't think some former friendships will weather. And though the pandemic brought this to front and center, it was definitely brewing for a while beforehand.
I won't go into details, because I've heard some of these things through the grapevine, and I don't want to mis-speak in a text-only forum, but I recently learned, as I mentioned above, that there was more which happened behind the scenes as a result of the drama. Including people doing things that were not really their place to do. I'll just say that we do not have a governing body for our region, so for anyone but the treasurer to go over the head of any host to "check on the details" of any show seems quite inappropriate...and no, I don't know the name(s) of who did this. Perhaps I may not have the entire context, but just from the basic information I was told, I do not stand by whomever made the choice to do so.
All I can hope for, is that whichever friendships can be repaired, can be done, and that we will all treat each other with more understanding and caution going forward. We're never going to all agree on some topics, especially those that are not generally involved with the hobby. But, we should be willing to be polite in a mixed community setting, and to not exclude anyone unless they have downright dangerous behavior (i.e. actually threatening people or have had physical confrontation, or other illegal behavior which is harmful to others). Personal disputes should be hashed out privately rather than in a public setting. Insults or name calling should never be part of a public discussion as they are not relevant to the topics at hand. And yes I am implicating any "sides" of an opinion in sticking to that. Anyone who is particularly toxic in the opinion of anyone else? Block them online and avoid them in person or otherwise be polite if you encounter them at a hobby function. Politely decline any situations where you may be asked to work with them.
I hope that I have covered this topic in a mostly unbiased manner. As we all have our own individual perspectives, it is impossible to remove all bias while reporting based on our unique lens. Please note that if I did not word something in what comes off to you as a neutral tone, I do not intend any offense to any party who may be reading. If you would like clarification on any points where it reads to you as though I have injected some bias, please reach out privately. I am not someone who implies meaning between words that I say, given that I sometimes struggle with interpreting that myself, I do my best to present my thoughts in written form as cleanly as possible for others. I do ask that if anyone leaves a comment here or on the post I share the link to on FB, please DO NOT drag up old arguments again (I would also like to be made aware if this is being shared in groups I'm not a part of for the purpose of causing arguments). I will delete anything that is not respectful, whether that's towards me or anyone else. This is meant to be solely a neutral-leaning reflection of how things were handled, with the advantage of hindsight and a few years removed now. It's been helpful to process everything that occurred back then by periodically reviewing it mentally. If this isn't the first written post I've made about it, it's probably only the second.
Please, take care of each other and give others grace when you don't know an entire story. We're all going through some struggle, no matter how big or small that may look to others. I'm committing to being better about passing judgement in the next year. I have been more aware lately but it's something I want to continue bettering myself on going forward.
Comments
Post a Comment