Hi all!
I haven't focused very much on the "mental health" side of the blog, outside of a few mentions within the hobby topics. I'd like to primarily focus on that today (but of course, there will be model horse eye candy as always!)
People who are neurodiverse experience brain functions differently than what is referred to as "neurotypical". If you are neurotypical, you are less likely to struggle with tasks that society as a whole deems as "simple" or "easy". You learn information and process it in the "expected" way, and you may have little to no trouble navigating various social situations. Your energy and attention levels are considered "appropriate" for someone of your age. In short, your day to day life and participation in society is not impaired in any way by the way your brain functions.
Neurodiversity is a blanket term that includes many mental health challenges, such as PTSD, anxiety, depression, ADHD, autism, bipolar, and many more. These conditions are not always "visible" to others, and you might be surprised to learn how many people in your life are neurodiverse in some way. A lot of people who experience mental health challenges learn to become good at "masking", in this context, that means pretending to be "normal" or acting a certain way in order to fit into a group. This can include things like conversation flow, eye contact, nonverbal cues, posture, manner of dress, facial expressions, topics of conversation, etc. These are all things that may not feel natural to someone who is neurodiverse. They may have to spend more time "learning" these skills when a neurotypical person may just pick things up without thinking about it.
Unfortunately, masking takes a lot of mental energy, and it can leave people with perpetual feelings of exhaustion, increased or new anxiety/panic attacks, or even over time having trouble unmasking. Unmasking is when a person is able to "be themselves" in part or entirety, they are able to talk freely about topics of interest, at a pace that's comfortable, or to stop hiding fidgeting, for example. This tends to be done when the person is alone, or it can be done in the presence of someone they truly trust. Folks who are neurodiverse tend to gravitate towards other people who are also neurodiverse. Conversations tend to be easier and there is a greater chance the other person will be welcoming and accepting.
I want to share some of my experiences with neurodiversity, and some ways in which I've made accommodations for myself in everyday life. It is okay if you're not able to do everything in the ways a neurotypical person can! Personally, I contend with ADHD & anxiety that are diagnosed, and a third one that isn't diagnosed yet - I'm going to work on that this fall, and hopefully I will be comfortable sharing more later on. I will say that so far, it has been such a relief to patch up some of the puzzles caused by things I experienced that were not explained by my other diagnoses.
The World of Work
The first job that I had after finishing grad school was in an person office job. I liked it well enough, there was a good mix of variety and consistency in the tasks I had to do, I liked the people I worked with, and it wasn't an awful distance to commute. It only lasted about 6 months due to budget cuts (it was a newly established position when I started), but during the last month or two I started experiencing anxiety attacks at work, bad enough that I needed to go and hide in one of the back rooms so that other people wouldn't notice my distress. I didn't have any anxiety meds available to me at the time, so I had to deal with it the best I could on my own. I couldn't understand why it was happening at the time.
Looking back, I realized that not only did I have to get my work done, answer questions, and everything else that came with a standard in person role, I was also masking, constantly. I think more than I ever had before, because I hadn't had the same experience at any of the schools I'd attended. I was so focused on fitting in and coming across as competent and professional to my peers, and of course, I was paid to be there rather than school, which I paid for. It was also my first "real adult" job, so I felt the pressure to do well enough that I'd be well off for wherever I went next.
The anxiety attacks followed over the next 9? months or so while I searched for a new job. I put so much pressure on myself that I completely flubbed at least one interview. However, all of this ground to a halt with the onset of the pandemic, and the hiring freezes that accompanied. I ended up taking about a year off from job hunting, since it seemed futile anyway, and by then I was concerned about physical health and all that. By the time I started looking again, remote jobs had become very popular. I'd originally balked at the thought of working remotely (I'd never even attended any virtual college or grad school classes) because I was so afraid that I'd be too distracted in my home environment to accomplish anything.
The concerns of the pandemic though pushed me to reconsider how I felt about remote work, so much so that I was no longer interested in any positions that would be in person. It also helped that my BF started working remotely during the pandemic, so I was able to see it "in action" so to speak. In 2020 and 2021, I also made a big push to focus more on my mental health. In August of 2021, I met a pair of people who would help me solidify my preference for remote work. I spent 10 months working for a non-profit as a contractor. During that time, I realized just how impactful working remotely has been on my overall mental health.
I found very quickly that the benefits of working from home include:
- I don't have to concern myself with my physical appearance to others while working (i.e. how I sit in my chair, facial expressions, fidgeting, etc.)
- Virtual meetings also help with this! At my last job, we did a lot of video meetings, but my current one is audio only. My department at my last job was also fairly laid back, so most of the time I didn't have to worry about being overly dressy with my top and hair.
- Comfort! I can wear pretty much whatever I want, especially with my current role not doing video calls. This means I am not distracted by anything I'm wearing that may feel uncomfortable
- Lighting and temperature are more under my control than they would be in an office
- As long as I attend meetings and I'm available to chat or answer questions in a timely manner, I can work at my own pace. Some days, I'm more productive than others
- I can get up and take screen breaks to exercise, do short chores, etc. My only options of getting up for a break at an office would be going to the bathroom, getting some tea or a snack, or doing a lap of the office. It also helps to be able to spread out chores during the day and not piling them all at night or on a weekend.
- Technically I get a half an hour "break" for lunch, but I can eat whenever it fits into my schedule or whenever I'm hungry. I can eat at my desk. (I really didn't like people doing that in person since I have misophonia)
- I can have music on if I need it to help be productive, not always with headphones on as long as the volume isn't too loud
- I can actually accomplish other things if I've hit a point where I've done all my work and/or I'm waiting for an answer to a question to be able to continue, rather than sitting around and having to pretend I'm busy.
- No commute! No wasted gas, wear and tear on the car, and no loss of time where I could be doing other things
- I can step outside onto the porch if I need a few minutes of fresh air
- If I need to run a really quick errand, I can sometimes accomplish this on my lunch break, or by starting and ending my day earlier than usual.
- I don't spend a ton of energy on interacting with other people. I only have to consider tone, context, and flow of conversation on an audio call, so there are fewer inputs to process
I was so concerned about being "distracted", but honestly, distractions can help to preserve my energy throughout the day as long as I don't allow myself to become too hyperfocused on something that doesn't need to be done.
Day to Day Life
In the last year or so, particularly in the last 6 months, I've discovered a lot of helpful channels on YouTube where people outline their personal experiences with neurodiversity and ways in which they accommodate their challenges.
The biggest takeaway I've had is that simplifying the number of steps it takes to do anything is more brain-friendly! The easier it is for you to do something, the more likely you are to do it.
- Organize your items in a way that makes sense for how your brain works! If you're a visual person, and you like to be able to see everything you have, open shelving and clear bins and baskets can be helpful. Labeling things is also great! For me, it doesn't matter if things are out in the open or not, but everything has to have a dedicated space it can be returned to. This is also really helpful for refilling containers and making grocery lists in the pantry.
- Periodically evaluate the items you own on if they are still useful or necessary, even if it's a small amount at a time (one pile, one room, one drawer, etc.) This may be more of a challenge for some neurodiverse folks than others. Eliminating any unnecessary clutter may help to reduce stress for some people.
- If you find a shortcut or hack that works for you in accomplishing something, go with it! Two examples: I realized I was really tired of tying my shoes. It wasn't difficult, but it took up extra time that I wanted to get back. I bought two pairs of sneakers last year - one slip on, one zip up - and those have significantly improved the time it takes for me to prepare to go outside. The second one: I got new glasses last fall, for the first time in over 10 years. They're pretty expensive so I've been treating them with as much care as possible. However, I found that trying to clean them with glass cleaner spray and cloth wipes was time consuming and frustrating. I felt like no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get them really clean. Plus, the cloths needed frequent washing (by hand) to remain effective, which I found irritating. So, a couple months ago my BF bought a huge box of individual glass wipes online (he also wears glasses) and I have found myself cleaning my glasses more frequently. While I prefer sustainable options over waste-creating ones in many cases, this is an accommodation that improves my mental health (less frustration) and improves cleanliness.
- Make your space comfortable! The better you feel in a space, the less stress it will bring you, and you'll be happier to be there. This could include things like changing lighting, organizing your items so that things you frequently need or want to be reminded of are within eyesight/reach, the chairs that you sit on, fabrics, etc.
- Make yourself comfortable! If you have issues with types of fabric, blankets, clothing styles, personal care products, etc. don't force yourself to use them! I don't have massive texture issues with fabric, but I've determined that from now on I don't want to get anything new unless I find it absolutely comfortable.
- Placing/arranging things in your space that make sense to YOU, even if other people might find it weird. If it works for you, that is what is important. My BF and I have never had a dining table. Due to our lifestyles and schedules, we don't really eat together often (plus with my full blown misophonia it doesn't make sense to force that additional stress upon me if it's not necessary). There's also been the issue of space of course, with the apartments he's had, there's never really been room anyway.
- If you struggle with going to bed like I do, setting a child lock on your computer and/or phone, managed by someone you trust, can be a helpful catalyst in getting your brain to realize that you're sleepy (or start the process). It might seem extreme to actually set locks on your devices, but as I've found, alarms only work so much and can be ignored.
Thank you for reading!
I know this is a bit different than my usual posts. I hope you enjoyed or learned something new! I'm sure there is a lot more I could say on this topic, but my brain is tapping out at the moment and the post is decently long already. I'm trying not to do too much massive info dumping, as I realize for anyone who isn't as invested in a topic as I am, it might get tedious and tough to follow for anyone with attention challenges.
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