Defining Boundaries, Choosing What we Share, and the Impact on the Hobby

 Hi everyone,

Today I do want to touch on something a bit more serious. It does relate to mental health, and the hobby, so I will try not to go off on too many tangents. 

The last 5-6 years have brought about a lot of change to the hobby, and for the most part, I don't think it has been good. Maybe it's been needed, maybe it hasn't. I'll let you decide, because I'm still not sure how I feel about it myself.

Within this time frame, many people have been more forthcoming with sharing their moral & ideological values, relating to topics such as politics and religion. Some of this is due to the fact that many people do not have "hobby only" social media, and so they share everything that is part of their lives. I've always felt like that is a double edged sword. On one hand, you may get to know your hobby friends on a deeper level if you find out you have more in common with them than just horses. On the other hand, you may learn things about people that you really didn't need or want to know- things that affect your opinion of a person or your respect for them. 

It was around 2016/2017 that I curated my own "mostly hobby" social spaces, more so my Instagram than my Facebook. I wanted to have dedicated spaces for my hobby involvement where I could post regularly and not have to worry about spamming people from other areas of my life with stuff they are probably not interested in beyond being happy that I have a hobby I enjoy. I have been fairly "good" about staying "on topic" of model horses or other hobbies I enjoy, however, there have been a handful of times in the past few years that I have made any sort of statement about things I feel strongly about out in the larger world. 

It's been tough, learning what values and morals some people truly hold, and how those are sometimes so far removed from my own that I no longer want to associate with those people, at least as "friends" on my profile. For some, they are just bothersome enough that I don't want to see their posts, but I'm ok with interacting with them on groups or being polite to them in person. Those only get unfriended. A much smaller group of people who have views that I see as truly toxic or dangerous get blocked. I simply don't have the time or energy to spend telling any of those people why I don't agree with them or get into any sort of conversation, as a lot of the time they will use passive-aggressive tactics, argue the same point over and over, or other rather unsavory conversation "tools". Over time I have realized that people like this won't change, and the best way I have to let them know their views ae unwelcome is to remove them from having a platform on my page. 

My mental health is far more important than proving a point to someone I have no respect for. These days, I'm far more careful about who I accept friend requests from. In the past, I would want to recognize their name as a hobbyist, make sure they're not some well known scam artist, and look to see how many friends we have in common. Now, I go through whatever most recent posts are visible on their profile, and see WHO we have in common as friends, as well. Most of the people who send requests do still pass muster, but honestly, I do let some sit there when I'm unsure if I want to be connected with them or not. 

Here's where I am split on all of this...on one hand, I find it helpful to know people's values, so I can make a better judgement of whether I want to be friends with them or not. On the other hand, it has caused so much angst and drama in the community for many people's views to be more out in the open. A lot of these topics are things that people feel very strongly about, one way or another. In our hobby, many friendships have deep loyalty and friends will stick up for each other when they believe that one of their friends has been slighted by another hobbyist (usually, someone that doesn't have a lot in common with them). In some cases, this can spiral into a huge group of people realizing they no longer want to be associated with the person who said something hurtful- especially if said person doesn't apologize - or apologize well. I do think that sometimes we get really caught up in defending someone else, and there ends up being a lot of piling on or comments that go too far. Some of the dramatic moments could have been avoided with a private conversation (this doesn't apply to all situations, of course). 

I also think, provided that someone gives an actual apology (directly to the person they hurt), and as long as that apology is accepted, that someone should be allowed to learn and grow from their mistake(s). There are obviously different levels of offense/hurt and not every situation will result in forgiveness. It is always up to the person/people who were the targets of the hurt to determine, and not the people around them. However, any situation can still help anyone decide whether or not they want to work with/associate with someone else. 

With everything that has happened online, I hope that at the very least people can still be polite, albeit coldly polite maybe, to people they don't like when we're in person. Local events are easy enough to put up with some people if your friends will be there, and you don't have to talk to those you don't like. Or just don't go to/support events put on by people you don't agree with. My worry is BreyerFest. It's a huge event, already very crowded and stressful and all that. I know there have been a few scuffles in the NPOD in the past but I do have some lingering fear that a larger brawl could break out, whether it's actually over model horses or not. And that could be devastating for everyone who is attending, not to mention a bad look for any parents bringing their kids for the first time to see adults like that. I really and truly hope people can keep their emotions in check and not start yelling at each other. 

I don't know how the hobby will move forward. There are a lot of tough conversations that may be uncomfortable to have, and some level of willingness to be open to talking to others without attacking each other that is going to be very hard to break the patterns of that we see online. Many people just don't have the mental capacity these days to deal with these things on top of their other stresses, which is understandable. All I know is that it will take us being willing to come together- elsewise, our small community will stay even more fragmented than it already is with the different niches. Is this a good thing, or a bad thing? Is it better to have smaller, more cohesive communities? Or will spreading apart be a bad idea? I think at this point, only time will tell. I encourage you to draw your own conclusions. Maybe you will think about something that I have missed, or you can see the issues from another angle I may not have considered. 

Here's a little spot of joy after you got through reading that! My beloved Hamiltons shortly after Lafayette arrived earlier this year.